It’s suicide awareness day. I wanted to share a little bit about my experience:
I was 22 when suicide first crossed my mind. I was sitting on my bathroom floor sobbing because I couldn’t take it anymore. I had a whole bottle of pills in my hand. It would’ve been too easy. I didn’t do it.
I’ve since have self harmed. Mostly with excess alcohol. Reckless actions. Threats to take all my meds.
I’ve worked on getting these thoughts under control and have cooled the self harming, excess alcohol and reckless behaviors.
It doesn’t mean I don’t still have these thoughts at times. Back in I’d say March/April, I was very suicidal and had plans to jump off a building and be done. I had it all sorted, what building so I knew there would be no coming back and it would have been at night where no one could see me and stop me.
I’m so glad I didn’t act on this and I’m still here. At times though I still get thoughts that I’d be better off not here. That the world would be better off. That I don’t deserve anything and don’t deserve to live. That everyone would be better off without me. That I’m useless and a waste. Now, I know none of this is true and when I get feeling like this, I have to work through it.
I know I have people I can count on and who can help. Who help constantly.
Reach out. You’re not alone. You’re worthy and the world needs you.
worldwide crisis numbers: