Have you ever heard or been told that a lot of trust issues stem from mental health issues?
I have honestly. More than once. Do I agree with this? In all honesty, no and I’m going to explain why.
I’ve had trust issues for as long as I can remember. More so when I’ve gotten older. My trust issues have destroyed friendships and relationships.
Let me start a bit with why..
I haven’t gone in to full depth with my past, with anyone, because I’ve been through so much that it’s so hard to talk about. Again, with the trust issues, makes it harder to know who I can fully trust and can’t.
When I was younger, I was constantly bullied for my weight and just being told how ugly I was. Which gave me this complex that I still have today and the obsession with how I have to look perfect and constantly compare myself to other girls. Even when I was extremely thin, I still got harassed. It didn’t stop. It let up but didn’t completely stop.
The real problem was when I got out of school. Primarily with men. Hence why I have difficulty with relationships. I’m not going in to detail too much because I’ll be here all day and I’m not fully ready to disclose it all. I’ve been abused mentally and physically, more than once. Raped, stalked, harassed, constantly being told to kill myself, threatened to be killed (come to find out later that the 3 guys had plans to do it), constantly cheated on and had it thrown in my face. Seemed like every time I had started to trust someone, something had happened to break it.
So the big question is, has my mental health made the trust worse and made me dwell on all this stuff that happened to me?
Honestly no. All of these things that happened to me caused the issues but I don’t feel my mental health at all is affecting my ability to trust someone. Now the stuff that happened to me causing some of my depression possibly? That yeah. Trust wise, no.
I do have some people in my life that I do actually trust. So I can. It’s not that I can’t. For me, it just has to be earned and kept fully.
How does the mental health play in to this all?
Since I’ve been diagnosed with mental health, I’ve gotten a bit better with the trust issues because of therapy and working through some things.
Not even close to where I want to be with it and I still have a ton of work to do with it. I don’t want to have these issues forever because I’ll drive everyone away I care about.
If you would’ve seen me 3-4 years ago. I was way worse. I was nasty, rude, wouldn’t give anyone second chances, etc.
What I’ve learned though are a few things:
- Give people a second chance, let them explain themselves but more importantly, explain yourself
- Don’t hold grudges
- Being honest about feelings of mistrust toward another person
- Quit believing everything you’re told. Not everyone has your best interests at heart
- Learn from the past
- Start small and work your way forward
- Have proof before accusing someone of doing something
- Approaching situations more calm and not in anger
- Admitting when you made a mistake
Just some small things that when worked at can really make a big impact.
I know multiple people with mental health issues that don’t have any trust issues whatsoever. I feel it all stems from past issues and big mistrust issues. I know for me, I’m currently slacking with therapy and need to go back, therapy does help and makes me think and work through things much easier. It’s not a mental health issue, it’s a personal issue.
So the next time anyone tells you that your trust issues are because of your mental health, ignore it. If you have the trust issues, you have to work at them through your own pace.